Snowflakes
by Tabitha craft
Summary: A 2 part holiday Bellarke fic. Set in the 100 universe after Clarke leaves at the end of season 2. This has a bit of everything - a rebellion, angst, smut, romance and humour. Bellamy awaits Clarke's return but before she makes it home there's a rebellion...
1. Chapter 1

_This is a two part Bellarke fic. I did a Clexa holiday fic and snow is about as holidayish as it gets in the one hundred universe:-)_

 _I love reviews. Consider this a gift from me to you and feedback a gift in return!_

 _It's got a bit of everything, angst, pain, humour, romance and smut, though not all in part 1._

 _This fic is for Eva:-)_

 **Snowflake**

Bellamy stared at the dark forest. The moon and stars were covered by a thick layer of clouds and it was impossible to see anything at all really, but it didn't stop him staring. He wasn't exactly on guard but these days sleep was hard to find, and if you were up on a guard platform in the middle of the night you were complacent if you didn't watch the forest. He would be complacent if he didn't watch the forest for her return. Of course she hadn't returned and attack hadn't come, not since the mountain. The Grounders had come, the Commander wishing to offer a new alliance to Clarke. Of course Clarke wasn't there and Bellamy could have missed the way the news affected the Commander, except that he recognized the look in her eyes. He saw that look everyday after all in the scrap of mirror he kept in his tent. That tiredness in the eyes, the hint of pain, of loss and of need. Bellamy had never been certain of Clarke's relationship with the Commander - it had certainly been intense, but whatever it had been he was fairly certain that the Commander was missing the Skaiprisa. He was missing the Sky Princess and he knew that their relationship had been nothing other than reliance, co-leadership and friendship. God, she was his best friend and Bellamy had never had a best friend. He'd never really had any friend until the Earth. Now he had many, but they were all damaged, his best friend the most damaged of all.

Bellamy let out a breath and stared at way the cold of the air made his warm breath white. He had seen this occur many times on the Ark where temperatures often dropped, but it was the first time he had seen it on Earth. It forewarned of a winter approaching that they were wholly ill equipped to survive. If only the Chancellor would take the advice of others rather than obstinately persevering with her own distorted agenda. The chancellor hated the Commander and refused trade which was foolish. But perhaps Abby had seen in her eyes how she felt for her daughter and perhaps she blamed her for said daughter disappearing into the forest and not returning. Bellamy tugged his jacket more tightly around him, his arms wrapping around his stomach in an aid to keep out the cold. The fucking winter hadn't even truly arrived and they were already cold with their crappy Ark clothes. Bellamy wanted Grounder furs and if the Chancellor wouldn't trade with the Commander then he would. He scowled at the thought because he just knew there had been something between Clarke and the Commander, and he hated it but he was jealous. He didn't want to dwell on that feeling, to give it true credence because then he'd have to answer questions whose answers would cause more pain than he thought he could deal with, such as love and what you do with love when the one you love is gone, or worse maybe in love with another. And when you don't know if the person they love is a boy she killed at a stake or a girl who seemed to rule earth. Bellamy knew he was nothing next to either of those. He was a friend. Comfort. Reassurance. Balance.

* * *

Clarke stared at the lake. She knew she wasn't alone in the world but sometimes it felt like it in this place in the Mountains. Mount Weather had formed a barrier and when she'd destroyed that barrier she'd cleared a path to the other side and she took it because Clarke didn't want to be found. She didn't want to stumble upon Trigedakru, or Skaikru, or Azgeda, or Floukru, or any of the clans and she most especially didn't want to see Lexa. Anger burned her stomach at the thought of the grey eyed commander and to her dismay it quickly spread to her eyes. The tears fragmented her view of the lake. Instead of dwelling on deceit and soft lips she did what she always did when the sadness overwhelmed her - she thought of people who made her feel better. She didn't think of Lexa, or Octavia, or her mother, or Finn, really there was only one person who made her feel any better, one person who had given her everything she had ever asked for and much that she hadn't known she needed. She thought of Bellamy, of his dark eyes and messy hair, of freckles that danced unexpectedly across tan skin. She felt the burn in her eyes subside as she centred herself by playing a game of how many freckles, where she tried to remember exactly how many freckles were on Bellamy's nose and cheeks. He'd probably have scowled at her and sworn if he knew the game she played, but of course he didn't because he was somewhere that wasn't where she was. She felt as though she was alone in the world.

* * *

Bellamy was once again whiling away the night time hours by staring at the tree line. He credited his finely honed hunters skills (who was he kidding) rather than the creaky ladder up to the guard platform, for the fact that he didn't freak out when someone sat down beside him. He turned and stared at his sister's moonlit features for a moment before turning back to the darkness in front of him.

'Still waiting?' Octavia's voice was darker, more mature than it had been.

'Huh?' he frowned but didn't look at her.

'You obviously think she'll come back or you wouldn't keep watching for her.'

'I don't know whether I think or hope at this point,' he admitted and for a few minutes they sat in silence. 'Do you think she'll come back?'

'I don't know,' Octavia screwed her eyes shut and Bellamy stared at her. At length she opened them. 'I was angry with her for a long time. Jasper still is angry with her. She carries the burden of death. She's killed more people than she's saved and when the scales are out of balance like that I think a person loses themselves. Finn killed eighteen and he lost himself. Even if she comes back I'm not sure it'll be her. If you know what I mean?' Octavia gave him a soft look. Unfortunately he did know what she meant. 'You want her to come back?' Octavia clarified and Bellamy didn't want to answer the question.

'She shouldn't take the burden for everything. I played my part.'

'They were her decisions Bell and she knows that.'

'Are you still angry with her? Do you still hate her?'

'If it wasn't for her I would have lost you,' she admitted after a beat. 'I still have anger, and sadness and even some hatred, but not for her.'

'Was she...close to the Commander?' Bellamy asked and Octavia gave him a look, one that reminded him of his kid sister when she'd first arrived on the planet.

'Yes she was close with the Commander.'

'Was she in love with the Commander?' Bellamy tried to make the question sound inconsequential but it was painfully loaded.

'I think she could have been. If the circumstances were different. If she hadn't been betrayed. I think that maybe with more time. I do think the Commander was in love with her. Or still is,' Octavia shrugged.

'Right,' Bellamy stared at the tree line again

'Are you in love with her?' Octavia asked and Bellamy stared more intently at the trees. He didn't know if he was in love with Clarke. He couldn't say yes but he didn't want to answer no. He missed her. He missed her so much that the whole world felt wrong without her. He thought about her. All the goddamned time. He desired her, but that was a given considering she was just about the most gorgeous woman on the entire planet. None of that meant love. Love was something he'd only ever had with his mom and Octavia. It was all about protection with them, but Clarke didn't need protecting. Well not in the way his mom and O had. Clarke was the toughest person he knew. Sometimes he thought it wasn't the dangers of earth she needed protection from, it was the danger she presented to herself. He did want to protect her from the demons she faced. From her fears and from the pain she carried. His stomach twisted with a mixture of pleasure and pain and he knew that yes he did love her. That somehow, without knowing it or recognizing it, he'd fallen in love with her. And Clarke, she was just a force fighting for them all and she didn't even notice. She didn't notice much of anything except for their survival. She'd been with Finn. He knew that. They all knew that but Finn was something else entirely. It was reliance and then heartbreak and then love, then death - by her hand. Bellamy didn't think of it that way, not entirely. Finn's death was his own making, Clarke just gave him the easy way out. All at a cost to her.

'Fine, you don't have to answer,' Octavia signed. 'I probably know the answer.'

'If she comes back...' Bellamy began, not entirely sure where he was going with this. Octavia waited, not filling the silence. 'If she comes back, I think she should sort things out with the Commander.'

'You do?' this at least seemed to have shocked his sister.

'I know that she left because she feels guilty for the deaths. I know she left because that guilt is hers. I also know she left because she felt betrayed.'

'She didn't feel betrayed by you,' Octavia pointed out and Bellamy sighed again.

'Nothing but time can ease the feelings of guilt, the burden of responsibility for those deaths will be with her forever, but if the Commander loves her, then maybe she can ease the pain of her betrayal.'

'You'd do that?' Octavia was staring at him as if seeing him for the first time.

'I'd do anything that would help,' Bellamy admitted. 'Anything she asks.'

'Those are dangerous words when spoken about someone like Clarke and most especially in a world like this, Bell. She's capable of more than I think anyone knew.'

'You say that like it's a bad thing. Do you know what we owe her? What we all owe her?' his voice rose as anger rose in him, hard and ready.

'She committed genocide,' Octavia yelled back. 'She killed an entire people. She allowed hundreds of others to die in a missile strike, she burned three hundred warriors. She's killed hundreds and you say we owe her?'

'We're alive because she did those things. We're free of guilt because she did them which allows us to sit in our camp, safe and able to say terrible things about her. You think I don't hear Jasper? That I didn't hear you? People are relieved she saved them because they have an inkling of what she saved them from, and make no mistake O, our entire people would have been taken by the mountain and sucked dry of our bone marrow before we were fed, barely breathing, to reapers. They would have committed genocide for the survival of their people. So you and Jasper and anyone else who's scared of Clarke, scared of who she's become, you can all fuck off as you sit in your privileged position of guilt free survivor. She did what needed to be done for us and for the Grounders and yeah there was a fuck load of collateral damage but she took it. All of it, so we didn't have to. There's no one in this camp who could have done what she did and she deserves us on our knees. She's our Commander. Her mom is a fucking lunatic, refusing trade with the Grounders and blaming them for who her daughter became. Her daughter is the most formidable, the greatest human being to ever walk the fucking planet because she suffers so we don't have to. So yeah. I'll do whatever she asks, whatever she needs to ease that suffering.'

'I think perhaps the whole camp heard that,' Octavia said softly after a few moments of silence.

'Well good. They need a word or two on hypocrisy and blame.'

'I don't think the chancellor will be too pleased with you for calling her a fucking lunatic.'

'You know what? I don't care. I don't want to be here any more O. I hate this place.'

'Earth?' Octavia frowned, yet again taken by surprise.

'No,' she shook his head. 'This camp. This isn't home. The drop ship was more like home than this place. I don't like the leadership here, I don't like the fear, I don't like the inability to leave unless sanctioned. I hate it.'

'So why are you still here?' Octavia stared at him, but he just stared at the tree line instead of answering. 'Right,' she nodded. 'You know if she comes back they can tell her where to find you.'

'I want to take her with me,' he whispered.

'And if she never comes back?'

'I don't know,' he admitted.

'We can leave you know? I know Lincoln hates it here and so does Raven. I'm pretty sure Miller isn't happy. Monty either, especially with Jasper not talking to him.'

'Monty won't leave Jasper.'

'I don't think Jasper wants to stay either you know.'

'So you're suggesting we leave?'

'They would follow you. The one hundred always had two leaders,' Octavia insisted but Bellamy shot her a look, 'ok one leader and her trusted co-council. They look to you in her absence. In honesty they'd rather you than her.'

'Which is fucking despicable considering what she did to save them.'

'I know. I get it,' Octavia looked to the tree line. 'Have you thought about going to find her?'

'Where would I look?'

'You could go to TonDC and from there to Polis. Maybe the Commander knows.'

'I've seen her eyes. She doesn't know. I think she assumes Clarke is dead.'

'Do you think she's dead?' Octavia practically whispered the words.

'I think death would be too easy for someone like Clarke. I think she probably wishes she were at times, but no.'

* * *

'The Chancellor wants to see you,' Kane arched his brows at Bellamy but his expression was serious.

'Ok,' Bellamy shrugged and nodded to Miller who took over his guard duty, following Kane to the meeting room. He shuffled in, unsurprised to see Abby stood with a few of the other council members. 'You wanted to see me?' He stood tall.

'There's talk of a rebellion,' Abby stared at him hard, the expression momentarily reminding him of Clarke.

'Does the Commander know?' he asked and Abby scowled.

'It is not a grounder rebellion that I'm taking about. I have Intel that there is a possible rebellion within our camp.'

'Against you?' Bellamy frowned.

'The council as well, but yes, against me as chancellor.'

'I've heard nothing about that. Not from anyone,' he shrugged. Abby stood straight and exchanged a look with Kane.

'I'm afraid that I find that hard to believe,' she nodded at the guards who stepped forward and unexpectedly handcuffed his hands behind his back. Not without a struggle because Bellamy wasn't one to go quietly, especially not when there was no discernible reason for the treatment.

'On what grounds am I prisoner?' he scoffed, his anger clouding his eyes.

'We are investigating a claim that you have planned an uprising against my leadership and wish to assert yourself into the role of leader.'

'That's the most ridiculous piece of gossip I've ever heard. Where's your evidence?'

'We have our sources. Until you choose to be honest you'll be in holding.'

'If there's a rebellion being planned it's that attitude, it's this behaviour, it's because you'll never be the leader your daughter is, that people wish to see you gone.'

'Take him away,' Abby glared.

* * *

'Bell,' Octavia hissed from between the boards of the darkened hut where Bellamy was being held.

'O,' his voice was hoarse. It was bordering on torture keeping him outside in this wooden prison given the frigid temperatures. He was fed only scraps as they attempted to wait him out for information. It had been three days and even from within his windowless prison Bellamy knew that tensions were rising within the camp. He watched his sister's shadow through the boards.

'The camp has lost it. They're calling for Abby's blood over her doing this.'

'I didn't even plan a damn rebellion,' Bellamy growled.

'That would be my fault,' Octavia admitted. 'Miller and Monty over heard you that night and came to me. They want to leave. They hate it here. They aren't happy with the way you aren't involved in decisions and they think the camp is suffering as a result.'

'And they planned to rebel?'

'They planned to leave,' Octavia admitted. 'Return to the drop ship with you as leader.'

'So the Chancellor has me imprisoned so that I can't leave and no one will follow me?'

'Pretty much,' Octavia told him.

'Funny, I thought that the Ark would have different rules on earth and the ability to roam free was always top of that list.'

'Maybe you should talk to her. Now you know?'

'Maybe. But...'

'Clarke isn't back?'

'Yeah. And I don't think Abby would send her in my direction.'

'No I don't think she would. We have to leave Bellamy. I know you don't want Clarke to come back and find her mother dead, but I tell you that this is going in that direction. Someone will kill her over you, over hunger, over something. Maybe with us gone she can make more rational decisions, lead with full support,' her voice was adamant.

'And what about Clarke?'

'If we go to the drop ship she'll find us. You know she would, when she's ready. No one can keep Clarke prisoner, least of all her mom.'

'Doesn't mean she won't try,' Bellamy muttered darkly.

'No,' Octavia agreed.

* * *

Bellamy twisted against the bonds that held his arms and legs apart, his back burning from the lashes.

'Clarke would hate you for doing this,' he hissed at her mother and Abby flinched.

'I don't think violence bothers Clarke as much as it once did.'

'The princess was never a fan of wrongful, unnecessary violence.'

'You give me names and this will all stop,' Abby raised her eyes to the guard who hit him again. He grunted in pain,

'I've given you names,' he spat on the floor, at her, his anger boiling in his veins. 'Bellamy Blake. There's your name.'

'There must be others?'

'There was me and my desire to leave this place. There was no rebellion, merely a plan to live elsewhere. Something space did not afford us. Is that a crime?'

'Who else planned to go with you?' Abby glared. 'Did you decide this with Clarke?'

'I haven't seen Clarke in two months,' he fought against the restraints. 'So no. This is not a plan we made. She's the only reason I've stayed so long. And if you want to know who else would want to leave, well I suggest you ask your people.'

'You want me to let them go, out there, defenceless?'

'We can survive. We can make weapons and thanks to your daughter it is not so dangerous out there anymore.'

'And you think you can lead them?'

'I did it before.'

'Right,' Abby scoffed, 'we all know the real leader was Clarke.'

'We were a team,' he glared at the older woman.

'You're deluded if you think anyone will follow you.'

'If I'm so deluded, why am I strung up here with your guards beating me?' he asked and the silence was deafening.

* * *

Clarke skinned the rabbit carefully. She wanted to make gloves. For a moment she thought back to the time she'd found Bellamy stitching up a pair of pants. The careful stitches and the ease with which they were made were so at odds with the surly man that she'd actually laughed. He'd been bitter about it, stuffing the pants away, needle and all, but she'd seen that he had skill. She'd had him stitch her up once after that. She didn't mention the pants but she knew that he knew, that she knew of his skill with a needle. She wasn't surprised if she really thought about because Octavia had told her once that their mother was a seamstress. For a second she put the rabbit aside and her fingers pushed up her sleeve, coating the edge of her jacket with blood but she didn't care. Her fingers ran over the scar on her forearm feeling a tangible connection to the man who'd ensured it was so neat. Her stomach twisted with an odd ache that she associated with all thoughts of the Ark and she pushed the sleeve back down and retrieved her rabbit. She hoped he was warm, that he'd made himself gloves and the others. Bellamy would make a better pair than her. She could stitch up skin, make neat rows of stitches but Bellamy could knit fabric together better than anyone, even Octavia.

The rabbit made its way onto a stick over her fire and she suddenly had to get rid of the blood that had covered her clothes and hands when she traced the scar on her arm. It was freezing and her hands hurt but she broke the thin ice on the lake and cleaned herself. She took off her jacket and cleaned the cuff, hanging it to dry before retrieving the jacket Lexa gave her. It was more practical now the weather had turned colder and when her Ark jacket was dry she packed it away. Her hands were clean when in the moonlight she pushed up the sleeve of the jacket to trace the thin white scar on her forearm again. She remembered the focus of his eyes, and the sureness of his fingers except for during the first stitch when she didn't quite hide the fact that it hurt. His left hand had held her arm still, his palm warm and he'd looked at her for a moment, their eyes meeting, before she'd nodded and he'd returned his focus to the stitches. She had focussed on his freckles instead of the needle. Counting them, and trying to decide whether ones on his nose or his cheekbones were her favourites. Or the one beside his right eyebrow.

It had been an intimate, quiet moment in the chaos of earth. They hadn't spoken, just sat together, her counting and him steadily stitching her skin together. Before that moment she'd never taken the time to study Bellamy. She knew, somewhere around the edges of her conscience that he was a good looking guy, but that moment was the first time that she allowed an awareness of each element of perfection. His freckles being the icing on an already perfect cake. Lexa's face filled her mind and for a moment she allowed it to. Normally she'd force that face away because the sting of betrayal hurt too much, but this time she allowed herself to hold both faces in her mind. They weren't dissimilar. Well they were, but they both had a beauty, a uniqueness to them that appealed to her. There was something about Lexa, her softness under the harsh, brave, stoic exterior. Her stomach warmed a little when she thought of Lexa's beauty. As much as she hated it, there was undeniably something there. She thought of Bellamy's face and was surprised to feel a similar warmth. She had never considered Bellamy in a way that wasn't platonic but the warmth flooded through her stomach and between her legs. She considered that maybe she just hadn't had any human contact for far too long, or any sexual contact of any kind, but tears suddenly filled her eyes as she realized that she missed him. Oh she missed them all, but somehow she missed Bellamy more than anyone, and for the first time she felt the desire to return home, and if her traitorous body was anything to go by the desire to find her way to Bellamy's bed. She was pretty sure that solitude was creating emotions and she lay down next to the fire under her bear fur and pretended like she didn't feel an ache between her legs and that she wasn't thinking of eyes rather than freckles.

* * *

'So she's throwing you out for threatening to leave?' Octavia and Raven were speaking through the gaps in his wooden prison.

'Yeah. I didn't even threaten to leave, remember? I said I wouldn't leave,' he brushed the blood that was dripping from his forehead away from his eyes. Clarke would be yelling at him about infection and stopping the bleeding and about how it needed stitches, but he didn't have any spare material to rip because it was fucking freezing, and nothing was clean, so infection was probably a given.

'When?'

'Tomorrow.'

'Ok. Just go with whatever happens,' Octavia told him and his protectiveness flared.

'Don't do anything stupid O.'

'Whatever I do, I won't be alone,' she pressed a finger to the gap in the wood and Bellamy raised one of his to meet it.

'Promise you'll be careful?'

'I promise,' she whispered and pulled her finger away. 'Bell are you bleeding?'

'Just a bit,' he huffed.

'I'll kill her,' apparently Octavia was also feeling protective.

'Oh this wasn't her. The guard took things into his own hands. She stopped him. Can't say she looked to sorry, but she did stop him.'

'Didn't give you any medical attention though,' Raven sounded more unhappy about this than anyone. Then again Raven and Clarke's mom had been close.

'And they call the Grounders savage.'

'You called the Grounders savage,' Octavia pointed out.

'Yeah, well unlike some I learn from my mistakes.'

* * *

Bellamy blinked against the light, unaware of the crowd that had gathered to watch his expulsion from camp. Abby and the council stood stoically as the guards shoved him hard. He fell to the ground but refused to stay down and pushed himself back to his feet. He was weak, and he knew he must look like blood and death but he refused to leave without his head held high. At his appearance the noisy crowd had quietened, a stillness that unnerved them. He stared at them all, his eyes seeking out faces. Jasper with his mouth parted and a frown in his eyes, questions in them. Monty was far from his friend and he looked positively livid. Monroe and Harper were stood, shoulder to shoulder, their heads high and their eyes hard. He watched Abby hold up an unnecessary hand for silence,

'Bellamy Blake, you are hearby charged with treason. The penalty should be death but leniency was sought and instead you are banished. You may not return here,' her voice rang clear across the camp and Bellamy was pleased that Abby lacked Clarke's knack for rebel rousing speeches.

'Bellamy Blake saved me,' Monty yelled suddenly.

'He saved me,' Harper yelled.

'And me,' Monroe said. One by one each of the one hundred added their voices to the protest. Even Miller's dad shouted his support, then Octavia appeared with Lincoln at her shoulder. They had their weapons on them and Octavia had donned war paint.

'My brother planned no rebellion. He wanted to leave but he wouldn't leave, not without Clarke and you know it,' she pointed her sword at Abby. 'Bellamy has done more for this camp than anyone here. Only Clarke has done more. She can't find home here and now neither can he. I am leaving with him. We should all be free to leave with him. He is more our leader than you. This may be the Ark, but this isn't the sky. There is more than metal walls.'

'Nobody is going anywhere,' Abby glowered, stepping towards Octavia.

'You want to start a war? Is that your aim? Would you like us to all draw our weapons?' Octavia looked to the one hundred and they all pushed aside jackets to reveal that they were armed, some with guns and other with knives.

'This is treason.'

'In the sky it was treason but you sent us to earth to die. We formed our own society and Bellamy and Clarke were our leaders. You cannot demand allegiance. You cannot demand that we stay. The metal walls of the Ark no longer stand and neither do the rules. You aren't adapting and if you don't you'll die. We leave, or you kill us.'

Abby looked to the guards who raised their guns. Kane shifted anxiously and took her elbow,

'Think about Clarke. Think about her reaction if you shoot the people she risked her life to save.'

'Yeah think about that,' Bellamy spat, 'think about all the death that lies on her shoulders and why she did it before you add more. Now let us out.'

'Those guns are ours,' Abby growled as the one hundred filed past her.

'They are ours. Clarke and I found them and we claimed them for _our_ people,' he shook off the guards holding him. 'She would be very disappointed with what has occurred,' he added with a glare. Instead of following his sister and the others to the opening gate he moved to Jasper who seemed torn. 'You are welcome to come,' he said softly. 'I understand your anger and your hatred but if this doesn't feel like home you may come and be angry elsewhere,' with a squeeze to Jaspers shoulder he turned and headed to the exit. He was surprised when the crowd parted to allow him through so that it was he who led them out of the gates. Without a word they turned in the direction of the drop ship, the gates of Camp Jaha shutting behind them with finality.

* * *

'The bodies are all cleared,' Jasper muttered and Bellamy nodded, pausing to wipe the sweat from his face as he shovelled dirt on one side of the grave they'd dug. They needed shelter, they needed warmth and food, but they couldn't settle on the bodies of their once enemies. It was wrong. He planned some sort of monument in his mind. A recognition that life was taken and that there was sorrow attached. He pushed thoughts of Clarke's feelings on the matter from his mind. She wasn't there and now everyone was looking to him.

'Ok,' he nodded before turning back to his task. They were all sleeping in the drop ship. It was almost too cold to build but he knew they must and so he ordered everyone to hunt rabbits and he and Octavia began making gloves. The pelts of all bigger animals were carefully kept and used to make beds and clothes. He was pleased his people hadn't left camp Jaha empty handed and wished that the process of making a permanent encampment were easier and not being attempted in winter with a desperation to complete before snow.

'Miller and Tag are trying to turn trees in to planks. It's not working,' Jasper folded his arms across his chest, his posture the picture of silent challenge.

'Tell them not to bother. We don't need planks.'

'Right,' Jasper rolled his eyes.

'I'm heading to TonDC tomorrow. While I'm gone they need to find poles. Thin trees that need to be stripped of branches.'

'Ok,' Jasper mouthed with another roll of his eyes. Bellamy ignored the surliness and focussed on his job.

* * *

Bellamy wasn't expecting to face the Commander but at length he was stood before her, Raven and Octavia behind him, Indra and some massive guy beside her. She stared at him and he didn't know why but he felt her disappointment. There was nothing in her expression, it was as stoic as ever, she was cold and decidedly offhand but none the less he sensed it. The Commander had hoped to see Clarke.

'We have come to trade,' he stated rather firmly. He had never had the relationship with the commander that Clarke had and so he decided a direct approach was best.

'That is agreeable,' the Commander nodded once. 'Are you here on behalf of the Skaikru. As I understood from the chancellor, they do not wish to trade.'

'We have separated from the Ark. The one hundred lives where our ship dropped,' he didn't believe for a minute that she didn't know this.

'And what will you trade?' she asked with an expectant look. Bellamy couldn't understand what Clarke saw in her, but he had no doubt there was something.

'Clarke believed in your rational side and the truth is we have nothing to trade except for skills. Raven can build things. Radios if you are interested. We need to establish ourselves and we will trade more thoroughly once that is done,' Bellamy waited but the Commander sat still and unflinching. 'Raven will provide you with four communication devices and in return we need leather and furs.' Again he waited for the Commanders response but none came.

'How much do you need?' she said at length.

'We need to build shelters and we require leather to do so. We need five tents worth at least. For now,' he stated and she nodded. 'Tools would also help for chopping wood.'

'All this can be arranged Belomi,' the Commander paused, 'we offer you shelter for the night and we will have your leather. Enough for six tents. We will provide you with furs and a horse. In return we will take the four radios you speak of and a further two when they have been made. Do we have a deal?'

'Yes Commander. Muchof,' Bellomy felt ridiculous using Trigedeslang but Octavia had assured him it would be appreciated. He saw the Commander tilt her head just slightly and nod, before she spoke again,

'Ai gaf in shish op kom Belomi. Gon we,' she spoke and Indra looked furious while the man merely nodded and left the tent. Indra looked like she wanted to say something but the Commander stared with arched brows. 'Octavia and Raven must go with you.' Bellamy watched his sister and Raven leave and waited expectantly for the Commander to speak. He knew of whom she was planning to speak.

'Is she dead?' she asked and Bellamy sensed not disappointment but fear. His sister was right - the Commander did love Clarke.

'I doubt it,' he shrugged. 'She left. Probably because you left. And you probably know that, like you knew we were no longer with Camp Jaha.'

'I can give you all that you need Belomi,' she offered.

'But you want Clarke?' he felt a wave of disgust but the Commander surprised him,

'I don't want her if she does not want me. If she lives she will return. I want to know that she is ok. If you promise to let me know that she is ok, then you can have all you need.'

'I think it is her decision whether you know anything at all,' he growled and the Commander bowed her head for a moment, before raising it. She looked more formidable than ever.

'What you say is true. When she returns send word that she lives. I will not come, but if she needs resolution I am here for her to get it.'

'That sounds fair. I will tell her what I am doing.'

'You care for her?' her head tilted.

'You say that like it's new information. You knew this before.'

'And now you know that I care for her,' the Commander waited a beat. 'This information could harm her so I encourage you not to be free with it. I fear too many people observed my feelings, that I was not careful enough.'

'I think leaving her to die outside the mountain kinda made people think you didn't care about her much at all,' Bellamy took the opportunity to make this attack for Clarke.

'That is one good thing then. She doesn't need enemies.'

'No,' he agreed with this.

'While you and I speak alone and freely, I would ask the One hundred to think about becoming part of the coalition. You have separated from the Ark Skaikru and you may negotiate for yourselves.'

'As part of the coalition what do we get?'

'My protection. Free trade.'

'And what do we give?' his eyes narrowed.

'If there is a war, you fight for me.'

'I'm sure all forty six of us will make a huge difference to your army of thousands.'

'Every warrior counts,' the Commander told him bluntly and for over a minute they stood in silence. 'I would take away her pain, her burdens, I would take it all away if I could.'

'As would I,' he shrugged and she nodded.

* * *

Clarke was cold. She was always cold. Her body ached from it and she was sick of the lake and sick of the loneliness. Sometimes she didn't know if she was cold or if the loneliness was so overwhelming that she just felt cold. She didn't want to build shelter, instead using the small shelter formed by the rocks, a sort of cave when the rains came. A permanent shelter was a home and this place wasn't home. She didn't know where home was but it wasn't on the other side of the mountain. Or mountains. She stared at the moon. It was the weirdest crescent shape, barely visible but achingly beautiful. She frowned because the moon reminded her of something, and she was struggling to remember what. When it finally came to her she actually smiled, the first time she'd smiled in months. Bellamy had a small crescent shaped scar on his shoulder. She'd been seeing to a wound one time and had found the little crescent on his shoulder and had made some joke about Bellamy and sex wounds. He'd given her a withering look and said that he'd been mucking about with Octavia when they were kids and Octavia had thrown herself off of a chair and onto him. He'd only been nine and his little sister wasn't all that big but she threw herself at him and he'd lost his balance and landed on some lamp. The glass had cracked and he'd been cut. It had been an adorable insight into his life before Earth, before battling for survival when the biggest danger was his little sister hurling herself at him too hard. She'd teased him a little, said he aught to make up some sex story to make him sound tough and sexy instead of adorable. He'd blushed at that and for a moment they'd stared at one another. Suddenly she wanted to see Bellamy more than anything and she decided that she'd leave the next day. It may have seemed impulsive but she knew the desire had been growing for a while, that it was time.

She immediately felt sick at the thought. The thought of seeing anyone but him felt awful, like it would be too much, but he'd get it. She wouldn't have to speak, she wouldn't have to say anything and that would be enough. She would see them all and she wouldn't apologize. The thought might be awful but she would do it.

* * *

'How do you get through the day?' Octavia sat beside her brother in the frigid air.

'Huh?'

'If you spend all night watching for her?'

'I sleep in the morning. I go in just after dawn and get some sleep then.'

'And what if she arrives home then?'

'Nothing arrives at dawn but the dawn,' he shrugged, 'or I'm hoping that's the case.'

'That's screwed up logic,' Octavia gave him a look.

'I know but I have to sleep sometime.'

'Everyone is buzzed by the new huts,' she told him at length.

'I know.'

'I can't believe you remembered them from classes. No one ever thought they'd need the earth skills stuff.'

'I liked the history side of stuff,' he shrugged.

'You remembered how to build them.'

'I remembered the gist of it. They're stable, they're warm and they're easy to make.'

'How many poles did you find then?' Octavia gave him a glare.

'I had to oversee construction,' he smirked.

'Whatever Bell.'

'And everyone is warm and toasty, so no one is complaining,' he added.

'And all before snow falls.'

'I think Clarke would like it,' he said without thinking and then scowled, looking away from his sister's intense look.

'She'd be really proud of you,' Octavia said and she wasn't even mocking him which was probably worse than if she'd just made fun of him.

'I don't know whether she'd care.'

'Bellamy, she gave up her soul to save her people. I think she'd be very pleased you're keeping them alive.'

'Well yeah, I guess,' he nodded.

'Thanks for giving me my own hut with Lincoln.'

'We'll build more, give everyone there own space. I wasn't trying to play favourites but if people are pairing up it seems fair enough that they get their own space first.'

'And you get your own space because?' Octavia grinned.

'There's gotta be some perks to leadership,' he pointed out and she nodded.

'You're doing a great job Bell.'

'Hmm,' he stared at the tree line.

'I'll leave you to it.'

* * *

The sky felt heavy. Bellamy had never seen it look so full before, so weighted down and he wondered what it meant. It was bitterly cold and everyone was in their cabins which were all a lot warmer than the drop ship. They'd managed to construct a larger building, one where food could be cooked and jobs worked on. A fair few people were trying their hand at sewing under Octavia and his tutelage. He felt stupid when he remembered how embarrassed he was the time that Clarke caught him. He'd grown up a lot since then. He now felt proud of every skill he had that aided their peoples survival.

It was around one in the morning when he saw it, this bizarre mass falling from the sky - hundreds and hundreds of white flakes. It was quite the strangest thing he had ever seen. He watched mesmerized as they fell, getting bigger in size and landing on the mud of the floor, in the needles of the trees and slowly coating the world with white. He wasn't sure he'd ever forget that first snowflake, that first ice crystal falling to the earth for his eyes. His heart pounded painfully in his chest because this snow marked how long she'd been gone. He knew she'd be infatuated with each flake, with this miracle of nature.

* * *

Clarke stared at the sky in disbelief. It seemed improbable that snow would fall as she approached the place where they landed. She'd avoided the Ark on purpose. She'd wanted to spend some time acclimatizing to being back in familiar woods, with the potential of interactions with familiar people. She'd spent a week at the base of Mount Weather. She had pulled the bodies from the mountain and made a funeral pyre so big that when she lit it she was surprised no one bothered to investigate. She bid the people she'd killed goodbye. She felt no lighter. But the snow, it kind of felt like the souls of the people she had killed raining down on her. Hundreds of them. Suddenly she was so near and yet so far. She swallowed back tears and took another step towards the drop ship. It was the second step in atonement, in reclaiming herself from her actions. She could never be reclaimed but she could begin to heal, to do good where before she had brought death. She stepped out of the tree line, the world strangely silent, an unexpected orange glow caused by the snow. She didn't understand why, not at all, but the world was glowing warmly, with the snow that was settling on everything with a scary speed. Then she was no longer staring at the snow.

There was a village. Maybe ten or eleven huts with smoke coming from each one, a huge wood stack under a sturdy shelter, a few smaller huts, a central fire, and a fence. It was a fence more like the Grounders had rather than a Camp Jaha paranoid version. She didn't understand who would be living there, couldn't comprehend the amount of change in the amount of time. Until he dropped from the sky above her, his feet making nearly no noise as he landed in the snow. She stared at him and he stared at her, his face unable to hide his shock, his absolute disbelief and awe. For several minutes they stared at one another, the snow falling all around them. Bellamy noticed how the flakes of white were getting caught in her hair which was longer than it had been, falling nearly to her waist. It made it seem that her absence had been as long as it felt.


	2. Chapter 2

_Final part! Enjoy:-)_

 _Thanks_

 **Chapter Two**

 _There was a village. Maybe ten or eleven nuts with smoke coming from each one, a huge wood stack under a sturdy shelter, a central fire, and a fence. It was a fence more like the Grounders had rather than a Camp Jaha paranoid version. She didn't understand who would be living there, couldn't comprehend the amount of change in the amount of time. Until he dropped from the sky above her, his feet making nearly no noise as he landed in the snow. She stared at him and he stared at her, his face unable to hide his shock, his absolute disbelief and awe. For several minutes they stared at one another, the snow falling all around them. Bellamy noticed how the flakes of white were getting caught in her hair which was longer than it had been, falling nearly to her waist. It made it seem that her absence had been as long as it felt._

'Say something,' her voice was husky, deep, cracking with disuse.

'You came home,' he didn't dare take a step towards her, worried he might scare her.

'I didn't think anyone would be here,' she said but she didn't look past him to the village. Her eyes remained fixed on him, on his dark, snow dusted hair, on his eyes that seemed black in the strange glow.

'It's a long story,' he shrugged a little. 'I saw the smoke from Mount Weather. It was you?'

'Yes,' she said simply. They both knew what she had been doing there.

'I almost went to you but I thought...' he trailed off. He hadn't spoken to anyone about the smoke. He'd shut down all questions. Somehow he'd known it was Clarke. Punishing herself. He also knew that she would be gone by the time he got there. He hoped that she would be coming to him. 'Did you go to Camp Jaha?'

'No. I don't ever want to go there,' she said and it was true. It had been her plan to go there eventually, when she Had felt able, to find him, but Bellamy was here and so she would stay where she was. She stood still, silent, waiting.

'Will you stay here?' there was no expectation and she nodded just once.

'With you,' she clarified and she saw the corners of his lips twitch. 'Who lives here?'

'The one hundred. There was a rebellion,' he attempted to explain and saw her frown, the lines of worry mar her beautiful face. 'It's ok. I'll explain later. Come,' he held out a hand and for too long she stared at it. He was about to lower it when she slid a fur covered hand into his. He squeezed gently and led her through the silent huts to his, leading her inside. He'd made the inside nice. He would never admit it to anyone but he'd made it nice _for her_ , for the possibility that she would one day come home and see it. He had a large raised platform for a bed and it was covered in furs to make it softer. There was a crudely built table and a few boxes for his clothes and things. The fire in the centre of the hut was burning but he hastily put an extra log on, concerned that it would go out. 'It's small, built for two people really but they let me have it to myself.'

'They?' she perched on the edge of his bed and removing her gloves and held her hands out to the fire.

'The others.'

'Who leads them?'

'Well I do. And you,' he added and she shook her head,

'I lead no one.'

'No,' he sat beside her after removing his coat, hat and boots, burshing the snow from his hair.

'Now you look more like Bellamy,' she whispered staring at him in the dim light cast from the fire. She reached a hand out and with a warm fingertip traced lines over his face.

'I've been trading with Lexa,' he stated because he didn't want secrets between them. Her hand fell from his face and her gaze returned to the fire. 'She ensured we had the leather needed to make the huts waterproof as well as enough furs.' He stared at her, struck repeatedly by how beautiful and strong she seemed in the warm fire light. Her gaze didn't falter, her body was held straight and she absorbed his words. 'She has worried for you,' he admitted. 'She wishes to know that you live and I said I would tell her.'

'Ok,' she nodded.

'I think she's in love with you Princess.'

'I think she is too,' Clarke sighed, 'but I don't think I have reason to dwell on _that_.'

'I know her betrayal hurt you,' he hated doing this to her, but he had her here before him and he would withhold nothing, lest his silence be interpreted as lies. He had to talk while he could.

'Yes,' she unbuckled her coat and slipped it off her shoulders. She was thin but looked stronger than she had. 'I felt foolish,' she admitted, 'and hurt.'

'Do you love her too?' he asked and she actually smiled, a soft, dreamy smile, as if she were momentarily far away.

'I was attracted to her. She is beautiful and powerful, and she has compassion and aggression in equal amounts. She intrigued me. I could have loved her,' she turned to look at him. 'But I don't love her.'

'I think she _needs_ to know you're ok.'

'I don't mind if you wish to let her know. I am glad you are doing what's best for everyone and trading with her. If she offers for you to join the coalition, you should accept.'

'She has offered. I wanted to talk to you first.'

'I approve,' she said simply. He was relieved to hear her talk politics. He knew it must be hard but it was comforting to know that she still held opinions and had the need for her people to be ok. 'You're a good leader Bellamy. A great one.'

'You're the one who is great. The one who would do whatever it took to ensure survival.'

'I did the right thing,' she stared at the flames. 'I felt guilt and pain for a long time. I suffered over my decisions. I was haunted by the lives I've taken. I tried to add them up. Three hundred warriors, two hundred and fifty in TonDC, three hundred and fifty-seven in Mount Weather, I know because I carried their bodies out, the grounder who's throat I slit, Whitman, Dante Wallace, Atom, Finn...I've killed nearly a thousand people so these people could be free.'

'It's a lot,' he acknowledged and she gave a nod, seeming to appreciate that.

'It's a lot of life to take, but I realize I did do the right thing. For over sixty years Mount Weather experimented on the Grounders, willfully draining them, doing what it took for _their_ survival. They tortured and killed and created monsters. They killed thousands Bellamy, tens of thousands and ruled with tyranny. I'm sorry for each individual death I caused and their souls will haunt me until I die, but I did the right thing. I did the right thing burning Lexa's Warriors. In war you defend your people. That's all you can do. You don't sacrifice yourselves. I'm sorry for each death and again I will carry their souls, but I did the right thing.'

'And TonDC?'

'I wanted to save them all. I couldn't have. There wasn't enough time, but I wanted to. I didn't fire that missile. That decision not to warn them was made by Lexa and I, and I knew it meant saving you. It meant saving them all. Ending the tyranny. I did the right thing.'

'I've missed you,' he whispered and she turned from the fire to look at him. For a few moments they stared at one another before she shifted closer to him on the bed.

'When my thoughts would overwhelm me I used to play a game,' she explained as she kicked off her boots.

'What game?' he watched her kneel on his bed, and his hands twitched, a sudden desperation to pull her close, to hold her because he was so goddamned relieved and happy to have her back.

'How many freckles does Bellamy have?' she admitted in a soft voice, a slight smile on her face.

'Ok,' he found a small awkward laugh escape him.

'I'd picture your face and convince myself I could remember how many freckles on your nose, on each cheek. I want to see if I was right.'

'You want to count my freckles?' he frowned and she nodded, edging closer, before straddling him, her knees in either side of his thighs and her slight weight resting against him. He burned hot and cursed the thoughts that filled his head, cursed his hands for moving to her hips, cursed his blood for flooding south. Clarke seemed not to be bothered by any of these things. She merely ran her eyes slowly across his face from left to right. His hands squeezed her hips softly, his thumbs brushing up and under the edge of her shirt. He felt like a complete ass for being aroused, but he was in love with this girl. Her absence and his reaction to it had made _that_ obvious, and he found her beautiful, more than beautiful really. She made his heart ache in a way that spoke of needing someone, needing friendship, just needing her.

'I was wrong,' she said at length.

'Huh?'

'You have more than I remembered,' she trailed her left hand index finger tip over his right cheekbone, across his nose and then over his left.

'I missed you Princess,' he stated because he wanted to kiss her, because her pink lips were close and her warm sweet breath was in his face. Because she was straddling his lap, the evidence of his desire trapped between them, her blue eyes boring into him, captivating him.

'You were the only person I missed,' she whispered.

'The only one?' he asked but she tilted her head to one side without moving her body,

'You said there was a rebellion?'

'Yes,' he was thrown by the change in topic, by their intimate position as they discussed politics.

'Tell me.'

'I was talking to Octavia one night as I watched the tree line. I told her Camp Jaha wasn't home. That I wanted to leave.'

'And?'

'She said I should. That the one hundred would follow.'

'And so you did?' she waited expectantly.

'No. I wanted to wait for you. Octavia said I should look for you but I didn't think you wanted that. I just wanted to be findable for you. I wanted to be found by you.'

'So what happened?'

'I may have shouted. People may have overheard. The council they heard rumour of a rebellion and arrested me.'

'You mean my mom,' she stated and he nodded.

'They tried to get information,' he stuttered slightly and for the first time her expression altered dramatically. She looked furious and he felt soft, cool hands at the hem of his shirt which she ripped off of him, before she slid her body around so she was sat behind him, hands gently running over scars, feather light traces of wounds that had bled.

'She did this to you?' her voice was deadly.

'She was worried,' he didn't want to defend Abby Griffin, but she was Clarke's mother.

'I'm sorry she did this to you,' she whispered and he gasped when her lips connected with his warm skin, like the flutter of butterfly wings, like the fall of a snowflake across the scars. His heart pounded as she kissed the scars, then she pressed her cheek to his spine and wrapped her arms around his waist. 'Tell me the rest.'

'I was kept in a prison. Octavia and Raven, they really initiated the rebellion I hadn't planned but ended up leading. They banished me. They banished me for wanting to leave, for urging them to trade. The one hundred threatened civil war if they weren't allowed to come too.'

'All of them?' she asked and he knew she meant Jasper.

'Yes.'

'So you came here and created this?'

'We buried the Grounders. We tried to do it right. We built latrines and Raven designed a crude bath house. We have two of them now. It's not perfect, none of it is, but we left at the start of winter.'

'It's about survival.'

'Yes,' he put his hands on hers.

'Have you spoken to the Ark since?'

'No,' he shrugged, and pushed his hand against hers gently, willing her to allow their fingers to thread together. Peace descended for the first time in years when she did.

'I missed you Bellamy,' she turned her face so it was pressed to the skin of his back.

'Where did you go?'

'Past Mount Weather. I found nobody. It was beautiful. It wasn't home, not then. Maybe it could be. Maybe we could move our people there,' she sounded wistful but he noted her language. Our people.

'Clarke,' he said her name, his own voice barely audible over the pounding of his heart and the rush of blood in his veins.

'Bellamy,' she slid herself around his body again, once more sitting tight against him, a knee on either side of his thighs, her arms this time placed around his neck. She stared at him and he could feel it. The heat, the need, the electric tug between them, but he could also sense his own fear. Clarke was the only person on earth who could complete him and the only one who could simultaneously break him. They stared at one another for several moments. He didn't even know how they'd ended up with their noses touching, their breath intermingling in the millimetres between their lips but it was sweet agony.

'I want you,' he breathed the words between them.

'Have me then,' she breathed back and without either being clear who closed the minuscule distance between them, their lips were pressed together. Bellamy's hands found her hips, and tugged her tighter against him. They weren't exactly kissing, but she let out the softest moan, more a loud exhalation of air as the movement caused her to move against him, feeling how much he wanted her. He opened his eyes, unsure when they had fallen shut and met blue eyes staring into his as they sat, bodies and mouths pressed together. 'Have me,' she said again and so he kissed her, ardently, fully, heatedly. His mouth moving against hers, meeting her tongue so they slid together. He couldn't help the deep rumbling groan, his fierce grasp on her hips, the kiss messy from their shared impatience.

'Clarke,' he moaned her name, his hands toying with her shirt. Clarke could feel his uncertainty and reached for the hem of her top and pulled it off.

'I said you can have me,' she hissed and pulled his hand to her breast, forcing it to squeeze her. He watched her head roll back at the touch and emboldened he swooped his mouth down to tug her nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it through the material of her bra. He'd had enough of clothes, enough of distance and pain, of worrying and loneliness. He pulled the bra apart, hurling it across the room and his mouth found her naked skin, as she began to rock against him, clearly having her own needs. His fingers found the popper of her pants and he undid them, sliding a hand down, into her pants, into her underwear to circle her clit and dip into wet warmth. 'Fuck,' she was off of him a second later, his hand being pushed from inside of her as she stood and he feared he'd gone to far, feared he'd pushed her, but she was merely pushing off her pants and underwear before returning to her previous position, her mouth claiming his in a kiss that was fierce. 'Get rid of your fucking pants,' she growled into the kiss, as she ground onto him and she lifted off of him, her own hand between her legs. Bellamy was surprised at her bossiness though he shouldn't have been. Clarke was a born leader and she never hesitated to demand what she wanted. Just because she had suffered didn't mean she could change who she was and so he didn't doubt her, didn't second guess her. He knew her and if she was asking, she wanted him to do it. He pushed off his pants and boxers, his cock relieved to be free. Her eyes dropped to it and he watched mesmerized as she pushed fingers inside of herself. He sat back on the bed and watched before pulling her fingers away and pushing his inside of her, pumping them in and out and watching her expression as he curled them. She was unapologetic in bed, and apparently she wasn't shy either. She moaned loudly as he pumped his fingers, his thumb rubbing her clit as her breathing grew ragged and she was gripping his hair, tugging at it as she cried out. She pushed his hand roughly away from her, her eyes locked on his, before her hand took hold of his cock and she was lowering her body to his, positioning him so that she could slide herself onto him. It was agonizingly wonderful. His body ached with his need for release and yet he didn't ever want the moment to end. Clarke didn't seem to be thinking of his ability to hold on, as she rocked her body on his, gasping into a long messy kiss, fingernail raking his back before running through his hair.

'Fuck,' he groaned because she felt like velvet, and every move convinced him that it would be over with the next. His hands gripped her hips, helped her move, helped her body lift up and grind down firmly, and oh so close.

'I'm so close,' she rocked harder and faster and he preyed that he could hold on until she actually did come. He broke the kiss and his mouth latched onto her breast. 'Fuck...oh god...' her cry hit his ears as her body tightened around him, squeezing him as she continued to move through her release, and he groaned through his own, holding her tight against him as his hips thrust up against her. His forehead fell against hers as they sat, connected and sweaty. 'I really missed you,' she whispered.

'I really missed you too,' he smiled then and a shadow of a smile was returned.

* * *

Bellamy slept that night but not well. Clarke curled up on his bed naked and he curled up behind her, pulling furs over them and wrapping his arms around her. It wasn't a peaceful sleep. He awoke several times to Clarke kissing him, touching him, urging him to push into her, to slam into her, to allow her to lie on top of him, his body in hers. It was the best night of disrupted sleep he'd ever had and he never ever wanted to leave his bed or the woman in it. He loved her and the urge to tell her was overwhelming.

Morning came. The village awoke around them, sounds of delight filling the air as the teenagers discovered the snow.

'Bellamy,' Millers voice. 'Get up. Boys are taking on girls in a snowball fight.'

'No,' he yelled back, his lips brushing down the curve of Clarke's neck as she swung a leg over his hip, encouraging him inside of her.

'Raven has built a catapult and we're gonna lose man,' Monty's voice.

'No,' he yelled again, rocking his hips and claiming Clarke's mouth in a heated kiss.

'You suck,' Monty grumbled and Bellamy obliged, moving his lips down to perfect breasts.

* * *

'Bell,' Octavia's voice came an hour or so later. 'Are you ok?'

'Yes,' he didn't yell because Clarke was asleep on his chest and he didn't want to wake her.

'Bell?' Octavia clearly didn't hear, so he carefully moved Clarke's head to his pillow and climbed out of the bed, pulling on boxers and pants before opening the sealed flaps that made the door and poking his head through. The world was so bright with the whiteness of the snow that he winced slightly. 'Isn't it beautiful?' Octavia asked with a bright smile.

'Sure,' he nodded, wanting to return to bed, to greater beauty.

'Are you ok? This is late even for you.'

'I'm fine,' he didn't want to share Clarke yet. Octavia stared at him, eyes roving before they narrowed on the bruised flesh of his neck, on the nail marks on his chest.

'Who's in there with you?' she asked.

'No one,' he lied.

'I thought you were waiting for Clarke,' she gave him a confused look. 'And who even is it? I saw all the girls this morning for the epic snowball fight. Is it a Grounder?' she looked confused and pleased by that.

'She's not a Grounder,' he snapped.

'But there is a girl?'

'Fuck O, don't tell anyone ok?'

'Promise,' his sister leaned past him when he allowed and they both stared at Clarke curled onto Bellamy's pillows, her naked arms and back visible. 'She came back?'

'To me,' he felt his face heat up.

'Did you talk or just fall into bed?' Octavia seemed shocked, as if she never expected to see Clarke again.

'I told her everything.'

'Did she tell you anything? Like where she went?'

'Yes,' Bellamy defended.

'Well ok. I'll keep people away for today. I'll say you're sick or whatever. If you need the bathroom or she does, you're on your own.'

'Thanks O.'

'Are you sure that this is...ok?' Octavia stared at him, her eyes holding a thousand questions.

'I need her,' he answered.

'Does she need you?'

'I think so. I hope so.'

'Ok, then.'

* * *

Bellamy opened his eyes surprised he'd fallen asleep. Eyes so blue were staring at him. He loved her eyes, the colour, the shape, the way they seemed to speak for her. He worried she'd regret the sex, that morning would bring with it the cold calculating reality of life, but she actually smiled at him.

'You're very beautiful when you sleep,' she told him softly.

'Uh, thanks,' he wasn't used to being called beautiful. He didn't mind though, not when she was the one saying it.

'I'm hungry,' she admitted, rolling her body onto his, and sitting up as she straddled his waist. His body responded immediately, not that he could blame it when he was staring at beautiful bare breasts, this goddess of a girl sat on him naked.

'Yeah?' he croaked and she smirked, before shifting slightly, grasping hold of him and guiding herself down onto him. His head fell back because he didn't think he'd ever get used to this.

'Maybe _after_ , you can get us some food,' she braced her hands against his chest, rocking her body down onto him, and then off, with hard, sure movements. He grunted softly, his eyes drawn to swaying breasts, and a waterfall of golden waves. After a couple of minutes lost in the sensations of her movements, of her eyes on him and his on her he moved his hand between them, allowing her clit to rub against it with each movement of her body. She moaned in appreciation and her movements increased until he could feel his body tightening and could see in her face that she was close. His fingers found her clit and he squeezed, his other hand scratching nails against her ass as he encouraged the quickening of her pace. 'Bell,' she moaned out his name and he felt everything tighten before he pulled her down onto him, squeezing her clit once more and maintaining the pressure as her body tightened around his and she practically sang her own release into a kiss. She collapsed on top of him, unwilling to move. 'Bellamy,' she said his name and he stilled his hands which had been tracing patterns on her back.

'You're hungry,' he smiled, 'I'll go get some food. I'm not exactly surprised,' he added the latter shyly.

'I am hungry, but before you go I was going to ask if this,' she gestured to them, 'if this is ok? If this is what you want?'

'Yes it's what I want,' he answered without hesitation.

'Are they going to hate that I'm back?'

'No,' he said honestly. 'They've missed you. Jasper is still angry but Octavia she understands. They all understand.'

'I need to go to the bathroom,' she admitted and he caught the anxiety, the fear of how people would react.

'Honestly, they're probably all in the hut.'

'What's the hut?'

'It's the bigger space we built for hanging out. We found a pack of cards and people are pretty obsessed with playing card games. Raven made darts and a dart board - winter target practice,' he shrugged.

'I'm scared of seeing them,' she admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed, apparently unconcerned with being naked in front of him. He sat beside her, surprised by the vulnerability. Clarke had never really shown any. He knew she was vulnerable, he wasn't stupid but she'd never shared it so openly.

'I understand that,' he was honest in return because she didn't need shitty fake reassurances. He would be scared to see them. Jasper would probably say something, maybe Raven too. They wouldn't know how to treat her. They'd be quiet and it would be awkward. 'It'll be awkward.'

'Awkward doesn't bother me,' she shrugged a little. 'You know I feel different Bellamy.'

'Different how?'

'Stronger.'

'Well people have described me as a god in bed,' he joked and was rewarded with her deep chuckle.

'You're an idiot,' she teased.

'I know why you feel strong,' he grinned.

'Being filled with your super sperm?' she arched a brow.

'You've done the worst you should ever have to do. You fought the good fight and you're probably the most powerful person on the planet. Or at least our corner of it. You shouldn't care what they think.'

'They're just about the only people I care about,' she admitted. 'I mean I care what they think. They were my friends. I know a lot of them hated me before, but it's the ones that didn't, it's them that I care about, that I'll upset them by being here. Also that they may confirm all the terrible things I think about myself.'

'What terrible things?' he frowned,

'I'm a murderer. Whether what I did was right or wrong I have murdered. I have killed innocents. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to feel like I feel with you. I shouldn't want you, or need you because I am death. Sometimes I felt almost mad with grief. Grief for them and for me, and for all the pain and suffering I've caused. I may be stronger but there is weakness. I did the right thing, or maybe I did the wrong things for all the right reasons. I can never undo it, and the desire to deny myself what I've denied others - that makes me weak because I'll only ever be a half person.'

'You're right princess,' he whispered. 'You have killed and you will always grieve for the pain and suffering. It's yours. All the wrong things for the right reasons,' he took her hand, 'that's definitely one way to put it. But they were the right reasons. The coalition is stronger than ever. You freed not just our people, but the tens of thousands of people in the twelve clans from tyranny. You are a saviour even if you are death. You must remember the thousands of present and future lives you have saved. You must remember that those people have joy and love, as much as you may have caused suffering you caused that too. You cannot undo what you did and you can spend your life denying what you denied others, but Clarke, you have to remember what you gave to people too. You did terrible things _for_ all of us. You did them so we didn't have to. People should be on their knees for you.'

'The only person I need is you,' she whispered, 'but I care for others too. I did what I did for love but I feel I deserve hatred for it.'

'No one has ever hated you. Not then and not now,' Bellamy told her but she shrugged a little,

'They respected me at the beginning. I know that, but they didn't like me.'

'Many of them did Clarke. And now, well now they know what you did, what you personally did to save them.'

'We saved them,' she took his hand. 'I will be honest a Bell, their words won't hurt me, their looks won't bother me. Their hatred - Ravens, Octavia's, Jaspers...that will sadden me, even if I understand it. I thought for a while that maybe you hated me a little.'

'I didn't,' he felt her head rest on his shoulder.

'I'm not scared of what they think of me. All the things they hate me for I did. I did everything and I'm no longer buried under my grief. I was torn apart but I put myself back together. They can hate me for what I did because the facts are the facts. But I care what they think because I care about them. I wish they understood. I may not be able to accept it silently.'

'You do whatever you need to, always.'

'Even if that means facing Lexa?'

'You want to fight the entire Grounder army and I'll be by your side,' he promised.

'And if I choose not to fight, if I choose to forgive?'

'Then I support you.'

'Ok,' she nodded and stood.

'If you decided you wanted her, I'd support you.'

'Would you?' she stared at his dark expression.

'I want you to be happy.'

'I can't think that I'll ever be happy,' she pulled clean underwear from her bag and pulled them on.

'What could you manage?' he found clean boxers and pulled them on, taking her lead.

'Contentment, I guess,' she frowned at her broken bra.

'I'll fix that,' he took it from her and placed it on his desk.

'Have you got a long strip of material?'

'Like a bandage?'

'Yes,' she nodded.

'Sure,' he grabbed the box containing first aid materials. There was one in the drop ship but he had one he took hunting. 'Here.' He watched her wrap her chest in it with a frown.

'What?'

'I don't like them going away,' he admitted and she smiled.

'You can see them again later,' she promised, 'though I'd like to visit your bathhouse first.'

'Sure. We could visit together?' he couldn't help but smile.

'Well that sounds even better,' she returned the smile.

'Where did you learn that trick?' he gestured to her bound breasts.

'Lexa,' she answered.

'Were you lovers?' he asked trying to curb his jealousy, to keep his expression neutral. He did want her to be happy more than anything but he loved her.

'No,' she shook her head. 'We only ever kissed.'

'Do you regret that you didn't do more?'

'I think if we had done more her betrayal would have been even worse. I don't regret it Bell. I don't regret this either,' she gestured between them. 'So long as it gives you contentment.'

'You know that I love you?'

'Yes, I know,' she smiled.

'This,' he pulled her close for a moment, 'this makes me happy.'

'Ok,' she smiled and kissed him.

'So do you want to use the toilet and I'll set water warming for a bath?'

'Yes, and then I better face everyone.'

'Ok,' he nodded pleased when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

* * *

'I'm not sharing and you can't make me,' she wallowed in the warm water sniffing each of the jars Bellamy had given her that smelt of flowers and fruits. She looked beautiful in the steaming water, her hair wet and her skin glistening as she stretched out.

'We have to share,' he laughed softly, 'otherwise you'll be clean and I won't.' He eased into the small tub with her, their legs tangling in the middle. They'd found a couple of abandoned buildings and decided to bring the tubs back to the village, and had rigged up some system with pipes and water and a pump designed by Raven. It still needed work and baths weren't anything other than an every week luxury. There was a schedule but he didn't care at that moment.

'It's important that we're both clean?' she arched her brows as she ran soap across her body removing grime and dirt, pleased she'd brought in clean clothes with her.

'Yes,' he shrugged, 'and this bath unauthorized so it better clean two of us.'

'Unauthorized?'

'Two baths and fifty or so people. Four baths a day on account of the wood used to heat the water. That's a bath once a week.'

'You're very sexy when you talk camp organization,' she smiled but made no move to start something. He wasn't going to initiate things because whether he liked it or not she had all the power between them. He didn't actually mind because he hadn't expected any of this on her return. He had expected the friendship and closeness they'd had before she left.

'You, uh, never used to find it sexy,' his brow furrowed and she didn't respond merely sunk under the water, soaking her hair before resurfacing and taking a bottle of hair soap Lexa had provided him with. She poured a modest amount in her hand and rubbed it into her hair, creating a lather before she sunk again and then looked at him, blinking the water from her eyes,

'No I didn't,' she agreed. 'I never saw you as anything more than a friend, someone I cared about a lot, more than the others - even Lexa knew that.'

'She did?' he felt a burn on his cheeks at this, pleased with her words.

'Yes. I didn't think it was more than our friendship, our reliance on one another.'

'And now?'

'I was thinking of you one night. I was remembering when you stitched my arm. That was the first time I ever tried to count your freckles. It hurt and I used that as a way to be calm.'

'I remember you staring,' he couldn't take it any longer and pulled her between her legs. She moved willingly, resting her head on his chest.

'I knew you were good looking but I'd never really looked before then. You're very beautiful. I realized it then, but it was just another part of you, like your temper and protectiveness. When I thought about the memory of you stitching me and I got this image of you in my head and I felt desire. There had never been any before but I missed you and I suddenly wanted you to hold me, to touch me. It was weird.'

'Weird?' he pinched her side a little and she gave a low laugh.

'It was unexpected. But the feelings were there whenever I thought of you. I'd thought it was just loneliness at first but Octavia is beautiful and I felt nothing for her, nor for Raven, or Miller, or even Lexa in the end. I just wanted you. I missed you, I wanted you and when I felt that I needed you I started my journey home.'

'I love you,' he held her tightly.

* * *

'Are you ok?' his hand held hers and she nodded, as he pushed aside the leathers that made the seal on the hut and entered in front of her. There were a lot of people in there, lots of noise and heat from a fire. The space was lit with candles and the atmosphere was warm, homey and friendly.

'Where the fuck were you this morning?' Monty called.

'Scared shitless,' Raven cat called, clearly amused. 'You never stood a chance and he knew it.'

'And you call yourself a leader,' Miller said with mock gravitas.

'He'd have led you into a more epic defeat,' Raven's fast tongue. 'Now deal the fucking ca...' she trailed off as she stared at the doorway, at Clarke stood beside Bellamy. 'Well that was unexpected,' she looked absolutely shocked but her words and reaction caused others to look, until at length the entire group had quietened.

'So you're back,' Jasper had sprung to his feet, 'and you want us to harbour a murderer?' he looked at Bellamy, 'Why don't you run off to your precious Grounders and leave us the fuck alone?' his glare returned to Clarke.

'Watch your mouth,' Bellamy was incensed and grabbed at Jasper by the scruff of his top.

'I'm just saying what we're all thinking,' Jasper didn't back down, as Bellamy shook him.

'Bellamy let him go,' Clarke put a hand on her back, her voice calm and clear.

'Yeah, listen to Clarke like always. You know we didn't follow you here to have to listen to her,' Jasper glared at her.

'I asked him to let you go. I haven't asked you to do anything and neither has he.'

'He's told me to watch my mouth,' Jasper fought against where Bellamy was holding him.

'Because you're out of line,' Bellamy growled, 'you're sat here because of her. You'd be dead.'

'Maya is dead because of her,' Jasper yelled pointing at Clarke,

'Yeah she is,' Clarke stood tall, 'they're all dead because of me. They're all dead for you, so that you're alive. So that the Trigedakru are alive and the others. All of the twelve clans. I'm sad they had to die but I'm not sorry you're all alive. I'm not sorry that the next generations will live free from terror. They only lived because of the continued death of others. For there to be honour in their lives was to sentence themselves to death.'

'Whatever you need to tell yourself,' Jasper growled bitterly.

'I'm not leaving because you hate me. I'm not running away again. I've punished myself and I'll be punished until I die, but I'm staying here. You don't need to talk to me. You don't need to acknowledge me. But if you want to sling insults and taunts then don't expect me to stand there and take it.'

'Or me,' Bellamy pushed him roughly away. Clarke gave Jasper a long look before moving to a seat and sitting down.

'You aught to take it,' Jasper hissed at her back, 'you aught to suffer like they did.'

Bellamy made a move in Jasper's direction, clearly furious but Clarke took his hand and pulled him down beside her. She didn't say anything, but she tilted her head onto his shoulder and sat. After five minutes of silence and another four of quiet talking she stood and without a word to him she left.

'You can't treat her like that,' he said to the whole lot of them in the silence left behind.

'We don't all feel like Jasper,' Miller said, 'but it's hard to look at her.'

'Fine, lets put you all back in that mountain, lets reverse it all. Maya's alive Jasper and you're all in their cages watching as one after one you're drilled for bone marrow until you're dead. You wait for salvation, you beg and plead as you watch each other die but you know what? It never comes,' Bellamy shook his head in despair. 'It's amazing that any of you think it's something she found easy to do,' he headed out into the snow and for his hut panicked to find it empty. He hesitated and then looked to the ground and followed her tracks outside of the fence and to the mass grave they had made. She was stood before it, staring.

'Did you do that?' She gestured to the boulder that he'd worked to carve lettering into.

 _Yu gonplei ste odon_

 _'_ Yes,' he nodded.

'Don't be to hard on Jasper. If anyone killed you I'm not sure I could forgive them,' she admitted and he smiled because it wasn't a declaration of love but it was something like one.

* * *

Clarke sat in the hut about two weeks later surrounded by most of the one hundred, though she sat alone. Bellamy was out hunting with Miller and Monroe. Octavia and Lincoln were in TonDC fulfilling Bellamy's side of the bargain with Lexa and so Clarke sat in silence, in isolation. Raven unexpectedly dropped to the floor near her.

'So are you sleeping with Bellamy or what?' she asked bluntly.

'Huh?' she was thrown.

'I mean I know you're sleeping with him, in his hut, but are you having sex because he's all starry eyed and shit and constantly staring at you.'

'Raven,' Clarke blinked a couple of times,

'You know I think you did the right thing. I don't pretend to understand what the fuck it was between you and the scary badass Commander, but she fucked you over and you did what you had to. What I wouldn't have had the guts to do. And Bellamy is right, we'd all be dead if you hadn't.'

'I appreciate your understanding,' Clarke said somewhat formally.

'It took guts to kill Finn. Guts I wouldn't have had. I didn't even get it, not at all.'

'I did the right thing,' Clarke stated and Raven flinched slightly but nodded. 'I'm going to Bellamy's hut,' she didn't wish to continue the conversation. She pulled on her coat and gloves and headed into the muted world of ice blinking several times when she realized Bellamy was stood outside with Lexa of all people. She saw worry and fear cross his face but felt oddly calm herself. They met at the central fire, around which the village was constructed and sat on the icy logs there.

'I'm glad to see you alive,' Lexa stated, her eyes greedily taking all of Clarke in.

'Muchof,' Clarke nodded.

'I met Lexa and her warriors on our hunt. I told her of your return and she suggested her warriors help the others hunt and she and I return. Is that ok?' Bellamy reached for her hand which she allowed him to take.

'Yes. It is a good idea for us to clear the air,' Clarke gave a curt nod but they didn't clear the air, merely sat in silence. 'Heda,' Clarke turned to the Commander.

'Clarke.'

'I understand the decisions you took. Your betrayal came as a shock but you didn't betray your people and I did not betray mine. Though I felt that I did because I urged them to trust you. You asked if we wish to join the coalition and the truth is that we do. We recognize your power and the protection you can offer us. However, when we are your people you must know that if you betray us then I will kill you.'

The commander didn't outwardly falter but Bellamy sensed the shift in the air, the sway of power between the two girls. Lexa loved Clarke, but Clarke didn't want her and maybe there would always be something between them.

'That is acceptable,' Lexa stated are a long moment of silence. 'I would never betray my people. I would never choose to betray you,' Lexa's voice softened. 'I wish that I hadn't.'

'Who knows where we would be if you had made different choices.'

Lexa stared at the fire for several minutes and then Bellamy and Clarke watched her leave.

'Are you ok?'

'Yes,' Clarke nodded. 'Bell...I'm not whole. I may never be the girl I was. I need you. But maybe I'm not what you need. I fear that _this,'_ she gestured between them, 'is selfish of me.'

'I don't care and maybe that's selfish of me. I just want you.'

'You have me,' she agreed.

'Do you want me too?' he asked and they could both hear his vulnerability.

'Yes,' she answered simply. 'I love you Bell. I definitely don't deserve you loving me back but I'm forever thankful that you do.'

'Forever,' he whispered staring at their joined hands. She believed him.

'Yes. Forever,' she shuffled closer and rested her head on his shoulder.


End file.
